stagnant

...the word that comes to mind when I think about my life currently.

I need some changes.

I want to go somewhere I haven't been, see things that I haven't seen before, experience more of life... I don't think changing my hair color is going to be the easy fix to the internal longing I cannot shake off anymore. Something has got to give, sometime. I can't change school because that is a process that I'm still in the middle of... I can't really change work, because I do like my job and am paid decently... what can I do?

I need to re-discover myself and learn about what I love, what I want, and where I am going. I have plans for my life but my soul is not bursting with vibrant, determined energy. I feel like my life force has been sucked out of me, and that I am merely a shell of a person going through the daily motions. This feeling has to stop. I hate who I am when I am not myself--I hate how I am stuck in a daze of indifference. I hate being depressed and full of anxiety about simple things. I hate not having the control over my mind to take the steps I need to take in order to get some sort of result. I hate that there are things about me that I hate.